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Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in
allymadison's InsaneJournal:
| Tuesday, September 8th, 2020 | |
| 10:27 pm | IC CONTACT!  |
| 10:04 pm | ♥Alyssa Madison was born December 1, 1990 to Elena and Jacob Madison. The couple never thought they wanted kids so when Elena found herself pregnant she did seriously think about ending it. But they decided to go through with the pregnancy. Ally was born two months early and spend much of the first month and a half of her life in the intensive care unit. After that though she turned out to be a good baby, and rarely cried. ♥Ally was physically and mentally abused by her parents and also sexually abused by her father. This abuse continued until she was 16. When she was 16, shortly after Halloween her parents broke her ankle and growing suspicious her friends decided to stage an intervention. Ally would have nothing of this and refused to talk to them. The only person she told what really happened to was Jamison Colt when he took her to the doctor to get her ankle wrapped. He absolutely refused to let her go home, practically locking her in his apartment until she was too scared to even go home. They never told the cops what happeend, as Ally was abused by other people as well that worked with her father, including police officers, and she was scared to be sent back to them as she had been when she had tried to tell at age 12. From that day on she has lived with Jamison. He broke into their home stealing some pictures the man had taken of Ally at various stages of undress or in compromising situations with her father or other people. Fearing actually being caught her parents gave into his demands. Once they learned his brother was being moved they moved. She finished up her junior year and senior year after the move. ♥At age 13 Ally became pregnant, either with her fathers baby or one of the people he had her sleep with. Upon learning that she was pregnant her parents forced her to get an abortion. Ally kept that secret for years until she finally confessed to Jamison. Together they picked the name Neyali Anita for the baby she would never know but will always love. Ally really really wants children and they have tried for a baby a few times, but they have decided at least for now to wait until Ally graduates from college before they have a child. ♥Ally goes to church every Sunday and even sings in the church choir. Though if you ask her if she truely believes in God she isn't sure. Believing in God gives her hope but mostly she finds comfort in the routine. She doesn't believe a true God could let such evil in the world happen and that keeps her from being a true believer. Given her own religious beliefs Ally doesn't like shoving her beliefs down other peoples throats. Nor does she like when others do that either. She is often soft spoken but speaks up when she thinks something is unjust. ♥Ally loves loves loves coffee. Plain coffee, Flavored Coffee, Iced coffee, anything. She could drink it 24/7 and jokes it runs through her veins instead of blood. If its plain coffee she always drinks it black. If its flavored she will have cream with it. She never drinks Decaf. ♥Her favorite color is yellow. She also loves the scent of vanilla and clean linen. All of her shower supplies are one of the two scents. However she can't sleep in her bed unless she sprays her pillow with 'sensual' pillow mist by bath and body works. She also can't sleep without Jamison next to her. She needs to either be wrapped in his arms, or snuggled up close. ♥Ally loves being around people. She's always willing to listen to someone, to help someone, or give people a chance. She would probably give you the shirt off her back if there weren't laws about going topless in public. She volunteers often and helps run charity events in the school. On Sunday's when she isn't in choir she is in the children's room either watching babies or teaching Sunday School. ♥Ally doesn't wear a cross around her neck. She used to wear a medal of St. Jude, given to her by one of the women she worked with back in Maine. She had once thought about suicide and the woman must have sensed her hopelessness and gave her the medal. She gave the medal to Jamison when Mason got taken away. She wanted him to have something to give him hope and something to remember her by. ♥Ally loves to bake and cook. She does most of the cooking in the house, especially since Jamison works late. Baking is her true passion though. She would bake cakes, cookies, candy, anything all the time if she could. She's just glad with all the baking she does she doesnt way a million pounds. ♥Ally is terrified of the dark. She needs to keep the lights in the bedroom on or at least a nightlight. Even curled up next to Jamison she gets really scared if there aren't lights. ♥Growing up as she did Ally feels the need to be perfect or at least try to be. She tries to keep the house as clean as possible and do as well in school as she can. She is also really obsessed with making lists. She once felt like she needed Jamison to tell her what to do but as she has spent more time around him and less anywhere near her parents she has loosened up a little. Sometimes if things don't go right or how she had planned she has panic attacks though. ♥She grew up loving school and books. They were her escape from home and from reality. She worked at her local library once she could get a job and she found employment at one once they moved to the area. She is currently going to college for Library studies, with a concentration in child and adolecent literature. She loves working with children and story hours are her favorite. She eventually hopes to be the childrens librarian either at the library she works at now or a larger one. |
| Tuesday, March 31st, 2020 | |
| 9:36 pm | Jacob Madison and Elena Montgomery met in a bar while they were both still in college. Both got insanely drunk and stumbled back to Jacob's apartment and had what Jacob would tell all their friends mind blowing sex that had them both coming back for more and more. At the time both Jacob and Elena were seeing other people. After a few months they broke up their other relationships (all the while having a sexual one behind their own partners backs). The two have lived happily ever since. Both were career individuals and put having a family on hold until Jacob had made junior partner in his law firm. Elena says that pregnancy ruined her chances at a better career, and hence resents Ally to a large extent. The couple had been told they were having a boy, and then little Ally appeared without a penis. Given Elena's age they decided that she would be their only child. After what was a pretty hard pregnancy and labor Ally was born on December 1, 1990. The couple never thought they wanted kids so when Elena found herself pregnant she did seriously think about ending it. But they decided to go through with the pregnancy. Ally was born two months early and spend much of the first month and a half of her life in the intensive care unit. After that though she turned out to be a good baby, and rarely cried. Jacob and Elena were all about appearances. They gave off a vibe of perfection and always act as the happy couple and perfect family. They still live in a well maintained house with a manicured lawn and expect their daughter to be presentable at all times. They don't speak with those that are 'below them'. They will stop at absolutely nothing to have what they want. This has included everything from blackmailing people, to sucking up to people to earn favors to turn in, to even pimping out their daughter to get deals. They don't care who they destroy in the process. Ally was physically and mentally abused by her parents and also sexually abused by her father. This abuse continued until she was 16. She tried to hid this abuse for ages, really believing it was her fault. However the older she got and the more stressed her parents lives got the more they took out their frustrations out on her. Especially when they learned they could use her body as a bargaining chip to get better deals at work. They had pretty much pimped her out since she was 13. When she was 16, shortly after Halloween her parents broke her ankle, pushing her into the steps when she came home late picking up one of her drunk friends, and growing suspicious her friends decided to stage an intervention. Ally would have nothing of this and refused to talk to them. The only person she told what really happened to was Jamison Colt when he took her to the doctor to get her ankle wrapped. He absolutely refused to let her go home, practically locking her in his apartment until she was too scared to even go home. They never told the cops what happened, as Ally was abused by other people as well that worked with her father, including police officers, and she was scared to be sent back to them as she had been when she had tried to tell at age 12. From that day on she has lived with Jamison. He broke into their home stealing some pictures the man had taken of Ally at various stages of undress or in compromising situations with her father or other people. Fearing actually being caught her parents gave into his demands. Once they learned his brother was being moved they moved. She finished up her junior year and senior year after the move. At age 13 Ally became pregnant, either with her fathers baby or one of the people he had her sleep with. Upon learning that she was pregnant her parents forced her to get an abortion. Ally kept that secret for years until she finally confessed to Jamison. Together they picked the name Neyali Anita for the baby she would never know but will always love. Ally really really wants children and they have tried for a baby a few times, but they have decided at least for now to wait until Ally graduates from college before they have a child. She really wants another baby with Jamison and they have tried a little in high school. She hopes when he finally gets engaged to her they’ll have a baby. Ally loves Jamison with her whole heart. He was her best friend and the fact he has come from a similar life makes her even closer to him. She is trying really really hard to build a life for them. They live in a duplex one of her friends from Maine owns. Ally hopes it is the first step in getting Jamison’s brother, Mason, back. She really treats the kid like he’s her brother and son, and would love to have him there. Books had always been Ally’s escape in the world, so had school, and Ally wants to share that love with other people. She worked at a library in high school and has decided to go to school for English and Library Studies and she works at a library part time while she goes to school. Kids story hour is her absolute favorite. Ally is a total perfectionist. She feels like she needs to be perfect and always has, given the way she has been brought up. She feels like she needs to be in control of everything even though Jamison continually tells her she doesn’t have to be. She is trying to, though, trying to regain some of the childhood they both lost and the two like to have fun. Before heading to Nashville the two took a road trip from New York down the coast, seeing every random tourist destination. She wanted them to have a new, fun, start in life. And she thinks its working. Basically Ally is just trying to become a girl who isn’t all her past. She wants |
| Friday, January 27th, 2012 | |
| 11:46 pm | To the LOML <3 Your daddy's demons are callin' your name |
| Thursday, January 26th, 2012 | |
| 10:44 pm | I wish i had wings. |
| Tuesday, January 10th, 2012 | |
| 11:58 am | The one where I ramble about sex. I think Eleanor caught me sexting the other day in the Library. She wanted to know what was making me blush and why I kept trying to hold my phone under the desk. She continued to whisper how her former husband used to only make her blush like that using his tongue...and that was rarely. OMG. But I admit it, I sext alot. I like knowing he's like right there without having to be right there. And as embarassing as the times we catch each other in public, its kind of funny. I used to hate sex. I used to close my eyes and pray it would be over. I used to hate how ashamed and how dirty I felt. When sex hurt. And I'm so glad its different now. I'm glad he and I are different now. I'm glad that sex in any of the forms we have it, is like a gift to each other. A promise that things really are different. That all of those other things are just faded memories. And any things I hated then or sort of liked then, I like because they're replaced with memories of Jamison. I think one of the best parts is when I come. And sparks fly, or flowers bloom, or whatever it is that it feels like for me usually happens. I guess there are perks... even embarassing perks, to being a fairy. It is a little embarassing when I get hot that the room gets hot. But having little fireworks in the bedroom when you come together...totally hot. Not gonna lie. Jamison, thank you. For loving me. For taking time with me, when I was scared. When we were both scared. And thank you for every memory we've made. Thank you for letting me love you and love what we do together. I'd never ever want anyone else. You are the greatest man I know, in the bedroom and out. But I swear, if somehow Eleanor sees a picture of your dick...I might die a little. I don't want her comparing how big you are, to other people. She might get jealous. <3 |
| Tuesday, April 5th, 2011 | |
| 11:00 am | Jamison, Holy Heck. I found our song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYYsaNeVs_4 Talk to me like I don't get it |
| Wednesday, December 30th, 2009 | |
| 11:14 pm | Viewable to- Jamison, Rena, Mason, Ani, Sho, and anyone that knows about the baby  |
| Tuesday, December 29th, 2009 | |
| 9:21 pm | the post where jamison quits smoking.  |
| Monday, December 28th, 2009 | |
| 12:10 am | The open only to Jamison post  |
| Thursday, May 8th, 2008 | |
| 3:52 pm | (Heaven bent to take my hand And lead me through the fire) Ally sat on her bed, watching the clock on the wall. Soon it would be time for school, a time for her to be herself and be free. She scribbled notes in the yellow agenda book that sat on her lap. Plans for the upcoming week ahead. Honor Society meetings, work at the library, story hours to plan, tutoring sessions, SAT prep classes that started Wednesday. She scribbled another note, in perfect penmanship, about having to meet on Friday night to work on an English project. (Be the long awaited answer to a long and painful fight ) Downstairs she heard her father screaming for her. Grabbing her bookbag and her coat she quickly went down the stairs and into the kitchen, greeting her parents with a smile that wasn’t returned. 'In the Car Alyssa' he yelled at her, and she simply nodded. Listening to his words that made her cringe as she left the room and headed out to the car. She hated the things he muttered under his breath, when he thought she couldn't hear, or rather knew she could and just liked trying to see how it would make her feel. The ride to school, she sat close to the door. Trying to ignore the words, and the feeling of his hand on her knee. (We all begin with good intent Love was raw and young ) Ally walked into school, giving a smile to the people she passed, waving to a couple of girls down the hallway before she stopped at her locker. She was the kind of girl everyone knew. Voted prettiest smile and most out going every year since kindergarten, she was everyone’s friend. But she was far from being the most popular, she never wished for popularity. Just the fact that everyone knew you were nice, knew where to find you when they needed you. But no one watched you constantly. If you wanted, you could always drift into the background, another face in the seemingly endless sea of faces. Being the average perfect girl, with the good grades, and nice smile, gave you the best of both worlds. Popularity, and at the same time animosity. If you didn’t cause trouble, no one noticed you. (We believed that we could change ourselves The past could be undone) If you pretended everything was fine and dandy, and lived your life like that, thinking only on the good things, not the things that can hurt you, that would hurt you, that will hurt you, then you can be okay. Smiling, its proven, even if you dont feel like it, will eventually make you smile and think happy thoughts. Or so Ally had read that somewhere, and she hoped it was true. As long as she kept smiling, kept thinking about the happy things in life, no one would know what was hidden behind that smile. (But we carry on our backs the burden Time always reveals The lonely light of morning The wound that would not heal) If there was one thing Ally was good at, it was keeping her secrets. The smiles hid as much as the make up did. Through the years shed learned to hide the bruises as well as she'd learned to hide the tears. Know one would know from looking at her, or even talking to her, the secrets she hid behind the sweet quiet demeanor. No one would suspect her life to be anything but perfect. She could live in the fantasy they saw for as long as till she got home. Once she did, reality was like the slaps they gave. If she were really the perfect girl she seemedher life wouldn't be like it was. (Heaven bent to take my hand Nowhere left to turn ) She lay in her bed, long after they were done, long after they had fallen asleep, she was still awake. Staring at the ceiling. Trying to think of the definitions for random SAT vocab words in her head. She needed to do better on verbal anyways, a 640 wasn’t good enough, she wanted at least a 1350 on the next test. And her math was already good. Even if it wasn’t, you couldn’t exactly spit out random math problems in your head. Somehow the quadratic equation was better solved on paper, then tracing your fingers in the air. She looked at the clock on the night stand, 1:45, only another 6 hours until she'd be in school again. (You'll slip before you know it And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed ) Ally stood in front of the mirror, singing into her hair brush. She laughed as her voice carried off key and the lyrics from 'Big Yellow Taxi' and 'The lonely Goatherd' mingled in her head, sounding something like 'they paved paradise and put up a parking lot, yoddle ay he yoddle ay he oodle oh.' She brushed her teeth, still humming the strange song hybrid, put on the cover up she wore, and packed her book bag. Ready to start another day. Pasting on the smile that was her safeguard. The smile that was her. ( Don’t you come round here, telling me I told you so ) |